You wanted it Lakers Nation, and now you got it. It’s Lakers versus Celtics in the NBA Finals as the Lakers were able to eliminate the Suns tonight to head to the Finals for the 31st time in history. Now, as every Lakers fan knows, it is a rule that you despise the Boston Celtics and everything green. What you may not know is that there are many other things that you must avoid and despise during an NBA Finals match-up between the two. Luckily for you I have discovered this list and am prepared to share it with all of you.
Everything below is hereby prohibited until further notice:
The Obvious
-Any Boston Celtics gear. Clearly no real Lakers fan owns any of this so this shouldn’t be a problem.
-The band Boston. The name enough makes them guilty by association, so needless to say I have More Than A Feeling or two concerning this band.
The Less Obvious But Just As Sinful
–He Got Game the 1998 Spike Lee drama. While you may like the movie, you are not allowed to watch it during these NBA Finals because of a certain Celtics player that is the star of the film.
-Another film, this time the Academy Award Winner for Best Picture in 2006, The Departed. The film takes place in Boston, which needless to say is enough reason to avoid it. (On a side note – Lakers fan Jack Nicholson is the star of the film, but unfortunately that’s not enough reason to keep it off the prohibited list.)
-Restaurant chain Boston Market. Do I really have to explain this one?
-Throw in Boston Baked Beans along with the above comment as well. Buy other candy! (Notice please finish the list before buying different candy as these aren’t the only prohibited candies on the list).
-Dropkick Murphy’s music. The song Shipping Up to Boston may be a decent tune, but for the next two weeks it is not allowed.
-Irish Spring soap and other products. Pretty much just avoid anything relating to Ireland, the color green, or shamrocks.
-Television show Cheers. Takes place in Boston. Enough said.
-Lucky Charms. While the cereal may be considered magically delicious, I would rather have a nice bowl of revenge instead.
-Samuel Adams beer. Brewed and founded in Boston. Therefore it is evil. Sorry Jim Koch.
-Two more movies make the list, The Big Green and Baby’s Day Out. First one is obvious, second one just relates to the big baby that plays power forward for the Celtics. Avoid both. You’ll be happy you did for more reason than one.
The Downright Bizarre
-Mountain Dew soda. It’s green. That is all.
-Walgreen’s. Once again, Wal-green-s. Green. If it was Walblue’s, or even better Walpurpleandgold’s it would be acceptable. But it’s not.
-Doublemint Gum. I guess this means steer clear of Chris Brown too. Especially if you’re Rhianna.
-You still will want to eat your vegetables, just not those green vegetables. Leave those on the shelves and buy fresh instead.
-If you attend a University that features a predominantly green logo or mascot – NO GEAR ALLOWED! This means you Oregon, Michigan State, Tulane, Bowling Green, Portland State, Marshall, etc. Add any more in the comments section because there are many I missed.
-Kool cigarettes. If this is your brand I’m sorry but this is set in cement. Bite the bullet for a week and buy Kool Milds, the package is blue. Those are okay.
-Green Dot Cards are also unacceptable. If you need some way to launder your cash or hide your drug money you’re going to have to find something else.
-Mike and Ike and Jujubes candy. They come in green boxes. No pun intended.
This is my list. Now, I don’t expect this to be anywhere near a complete list so this is where I need your help. Leave your comments below and tell me what I have missed so I can continue to add more as we get closer to Game 1 on Thursday. Don’t break the code Lakers Nation, this is important stuff!